Many couples sit around wondering. Wondering what their spouse is thinking, what they want, and if their marriage is going to last. Stop it.
“If you want to know something, ask.” -Barry Watts
Sure, privacy is important, particularly to people who are divorced. If you value privacy more than an intimate relationship you will end up with only privacy. Emotional privacy kills intimacy. Vacant wondering is no way to live. Privacy has no place in marriage.
Go ahead and pry.
The goal is to understand your spouse better. Permission to pry is not permission to be a suspicious stalker, there is a big difference.
- Gently ask your questions and listen sincerely. Prying is only an invasion if you do it wrong or your relationship sucks.
- Dump the demanding tone. Your spouse is your favorite person, getting to know them more is reasonable and will make your relationship better.
- Find out what matters to them. Pry if you have to, your marriage depends on it.
For improved intimacy in marriage you have to risk further emotional engagement. Sometimes it feels too risky to ask. When your past has left you hurting, getting closer can seem too dangerous. Many people who have experienced emotions as dangerous, demeaning, or harmful avoid risking engagement. It may feel better to sit and wonder what they are thinking than to know your spouse is thinking THAT. If it’s too risky to talk to your spouse today, it’s critical to get some help. A counselor can provide a safe environment to help you in the risky business of improving your relationships.
How much privacy do you have in your marriage?