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5 Affirmations Every Mom Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day. (Especially on Mother’s Day)

Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com
Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com

Moms are the best.

They supply the world with generous unconditional love. Moms deserve to know the impact of their work because the pressure of mothering can be heavy at times. Mommy guilt is the feeling moms get when they feel inadequate in their efforts to fulfill all the expectations in life. In those moments they worry about their priorities and feel they should have done something different. Husbands, you can’t prevent all of these feelings but you can greatly reduce them by affirming her. Sharing positive comments about your wife’s mothering skills is a great way to instantly improve your marriage. Notice her efforts and remind her of your love and gratitude for who she is and what she does. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a good mom. Parenting has a way of leading to self-doubt. When the frustrations of caring for kids overwhelm, it’s easy to be discouraged. Your wife should hear from you “you are a good mom.” If she protests, gently persist with specific examples.

  2. We can do this together. Marriage is a partnership in all aspects and parenting works best when it’s a team sport. Embrace the shared goal of raising kids into functioning adults. When she knows you are truly in it together, the load of the task is not quite as heavy.

  3. Your work is valuable. To really love your wife, affirm her efforts and daily activities. Tell her the actions she takes are noticed and you are grateful for her work. If your wife cares for your kids full time make sure to notice and affirm the little miracles she performs every day. Mothers who work outside the home need to feel supported and appreciated for their work at the office and raising kids.

  4. I love you. Affirming your love for her is always important. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. Remind her daily of your commitment to love her. Simply saying “I love you” communicates you notice her and are emotionally available and responsive.

  5. It’s ok to rest. Mothering is exhausting and never ending. It’s also probably a lot of work being married to you. Mothers frequently have the internal pressure to continue performing and striving. That’s good, it ensures the survival of humanity. But mothers also need to know physical and emotional rest is appropriate. Give your wife the go ahead to rest and then get busy providing her the opportunity to rest when needed.

Affirmations work best when you use both words and actions. Telling her is good, showing her is awesome, doing both is magic.



You may also like: 5 Affirmations Every WIFE Should Hear From Her Husband Every Day. Learn what to say first when you give a compliment and what to say first when you are arguing. Hint: The subtle difference will make all the difference.

4 Marriage Lessons from Sour Milk

milk


I never feel more apologetic than when I clean the back seat of the car. In those moments I apologize to my car for having children. Last summer our car smelled. Bad. Upon further investigation we discovered a long hidden sippy cup lodged under the seat. It had been filled with milk and given to one of our sons and at some point in the chaos of child transport it was forgotten. Until the smell. The first day the smell arrived it smelled like something had died along the road, like we passed roadkill along the way. The smell was disregarded as we got out of the car. By the second day of the smell it was clear the roadkill was somewhere in the car. We cleaned the car and found the cup. The sour smell was overwhelming and the sick feeling was made worse when we discovered the smell was not only from the cup of sour milk but that the milk had spilled onto the floor of the car. We scrubbed, we removed the seats, we scrubbed and washed and air freshened. Eventually the smell diminished but the smell still lingers in my memory.

The sour milk tragedy reminds me of the interaction cycle of some couples. In life and marriage not everything works out perfectly. Mistakes are made, miscommunication happens and hurtful words get flung around. For healthy couples these difficult times are no fun but they are quickly resolved and connection is restored. Unfortunately, some couples ignore the mess and conflict hoping it will go away. Their conflict continues and their connection suffers until the smell becomes unbearable.

To avoid a sour milk marriage:

  1. Risk making a mess. First of all it’s okay to really engage in your relationship. You must risk vulnerability to connect well in your marriage. We are okay with living in our car. We want to engage with our children in the car which means risking spills and crushed fish crackers in the car seats. Don’t be so scared of making a mistake in your relationship that you suffocate authenticity.
  2. Take care. Although we allow our kids to eat in the car we also teach them not to be careless. We don’t expect them to never spill but we do expect them to learn. Invest in your relationship. Learn how to avoid relationship injuries. Talk to your spouse about ways you can reduce conflict. Get expert help when you are not sure how to connect well without fighting.
  3. Stop criticizing. It would not have helped to yell at our kids for spilling the milk. In your relationship it doesn’t help to shame your spouse. No matter how much you know about your spouse of how careful you are arguments will happen. Criticism destroys the foundation of trust in relationships.
  4. Clean up quickly. The main problem in our car was not that milk was spilled but that we didn’t clean it up soon enough. The warm summer days took our neglect and punished our sense of smell. When fights and arguments result in hurt feelings don’t just let it sit. You can take time to cool off if your argument gets too hot but don’t let it go days without working to resolve the tension. The longer you keep unaddressed conflict in your marriage the nastier it gets. Healthy couples quickly clean up the spills of relationship injuries.

The 5 Affirmations Every Wife Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day

affirmation couple large

It may feel complicated and confusing trying to understand your wife and her emotional needs. Daily affirmations will give her the smile you’ve been looking for. Don’t worry, you have what it takes; affirmations are simply nice words you know to be true. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a blessing. Tell her out loud you are thankful for her. Gratitude is critical for great connection. This affirmation is especially great to say in the morning. When you declare her a blessing first thing, gratitude becomes the lens through which you see your relationship which prevents conflict.
  2. You are beautiful. Her outward physical beauty is important to affirm. Never stop complimenting your wife’s physical beauty. Some women with poor self image try to sabotage their husband’s affirmations, persist with your affirmation anyway. Inner beauty includes positive personality characteristics you find attractive. “I love the way you really care about people you interact with, you are beautiful.”
  3. You are loved. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. You may even remember the first time you told her you loved her. Even if you think she should already know, tell her she is loved every day.
  4. You are desired. In their book Captivating John and Stasi Eldredge share how every woman has a deep craving to be desirable. Pursue your wife in a way which demonstrates she is desired and you will connect deeper than ever before.
  5. You are a great wife. Of all the relationships you have in your life, your marriage relationship is uniquely special. Affirm her success in your relationship. Tell her she is doing a great job of loving you.

Each affirmation intentionally begins with the word you. The focus should be her. When giving affirmations it is easy to start with yourself. “I’m blessed to be your husband” is nice but the point of saying what is true about her can get lost when you start with I.

Side note: When you are having a difficult conversation or an argument, start with I. When tensions are high starting with the word you will sound demeaning and blaming. For example “you always spend too much money.” In a heated discussion begin by explaining how you feel in the situation. For example “I feel overwhelmed at the thought of working more overtime when we overspend our budget.”

To add emphasis to your positive affirmations pair them with affection. Saying you love your wife sounds even better when you are physically close to her. Communication works best when you use both words and actions.

Telling them is good, showing them is awesome, doing both is magic. Don’t settle for talk only. Words with no action is lying. Saying you love her but not acting in loving ways destroys trust. You become a con-man spewing sweet words and never following through. Action with no words is confusing. Although it’s awesome to have a spouse who consistently acts in loving ways, marriage can become awkward in silence. Like living with a mime who gets all the actions right, a marriage without verbal affirmation quickly becomes confusing and lonely. The marital magic comes when you combine words and actions. When you tell your spouse she is beautiful and act in ways that make her feel beautiful, you will have a magically wonderful marriage.

What does your wife love to hear?
Photo Credit:/ 123RF Stock Photo

Improve Your Marriage with Woohoo! Power

woohoo!!

“Hey dad look! They have candy!” My eyes followed my 6 year old’s pointed finger and I saw it too. It was halftime of a local high school basketball game and there WAS candy on the basketball floor. To raise money for the basketball team they put candy around the court and for a donation, participants had one shot to make a basket from that place to win the candy.

From that moment on my son had the basketball for candy game on his mind and began serious negotiations to participate. Soon halftime was over, but his determination was not. Never underestimate the motivating power of candy for a kindergartner.

Then my wife had a brilliant plan. “we can have our own game at home.” So we made our own version of the basketball for candy game. We took the nerf basketball hoop and put it up the garage. We drew circles with chalk on the garage floor. Each circle was given it’s own value for a made shot from that distance. One circle was good for a skittle; one would win them a sucker and one was for gum.
I love giving candy to our boys but I didn’t want to owe them halloween buckets of candy after our shoot around in the garage. On the closest two circles I put “Woohoo!” and “High 5.” If they made a basket from the closest distances I would give him a high five or a loud Woohoo!
When the game started my son was motivated to get candy but he found it difficult to make a shot from three point land. He moved up and scored lots from the Woohoo! and high five areas. He eventually made some shots from farther away and gladly received his candy but he never grew tired of the Woohoos and high fives. His eyes lit up when he made it from the Woohoo! circle and came running no matter where I was in anticipation of my crazy, loud, over-the-top WOOHOO!

Kids love verbal affirmation even more than candy. Now that is powerful.

Woohoo! power works wonders in marriage too.

Say nice words to your spouse. The words you say matter deeply to the heart of your spouse and they speak to the condition of your marriage.

When you give your spouse a woohoo! affirmation you are saying to them:

  1. You are valued. You are delightful. You are amazing.
  2. Our relationship is valued. I like when we are close. Being married to you is wonderful.
  3. We can face it together. Whatever life brings we are on the same team and we are going to make it.

The more descriptive your verbal affirmation, the better. Look for their eyes to light up. If you are new to verbal affirmation, the look in their eye may be shock and disbelief at first. Keep going. If you feel kinda silly, that’s fine, you’re on the right track.

Using encouraging words will transform your marriage. I know it may sound overly simplistic or too good to be true but I’ve watched it happen. I have counseled couples near divorce who feel exhausted, angry, and hopeless in their marriage. When they were able to verbalize genuine verbal affirmations, their marriage beg an to heal. Their circumstances didn’t change but their relationship changed dramatically. Difficult circumstances and impossible decisions were not as heavy. They were able to live together and enjoy it again. They smiled more. Instead of attacking each other they ran to each other anticipating their own version of a crazy, loud, over-the-top woohoo! from each other.

When you are secure in your relationship, circumstances become a challenge not a crisis.

Affirm your spouse today, it’s as simple as a Woohoo! or a high five.

What does a crazy, loud, over-the-top woohoo! sound like in your marriage?

woohoo

Making Time for Now

beach bird

Unfortunately, the last couple of months have been a season of loss. We lost three family members in two months. Loss has a way of pushing the pause button and reordering priorities as memories and emotions flood.

Ecclesiastes chapter three is a popular scripture at funerals. I guess we use it as permission to grieve loss although it’s about much more.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and an time to heal,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

What is it time for in your life today?

You have permission.

We need to hear it’s ok to experience this moment. Paradoxically, we are often told “don’t be sad” when we experience loss and “don’t show off” when we have a celebration.

Allow yourself to experience all the rawness of today including negative emotions, positive emotions, or lack of any emotion. You won’t fall apart, become lazy, or a narcissist, as you may fear. You will be real. Authenticity is being real in this moment.

Positive thinking has it’s place when people become stuck in a negative rut. But authenticity is revolutionary. When you are honest about what you are feeling right now, you will thrive in ways you never imagined. Intimacy thrives on being real. When you are authentic with your spouse connection increases.

Wisdom is knowing what it’s time for.

Lean into today. Sadness or joy, stillness or action, hurt or healing.

You have permission. Stay there a bit. Spend time right where you are now, it will make all the difference.

What is it time for in your life today?

Related posts:
What your spouse really needs in times of loss
That Kind of Exhausted
4 Steps to Overcome Loaded Loss
Minor Loss Matters in Marriage