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The Miracle Technology Every Marriage Needs

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It has yet to be proven by modern science but one traumatic event is responsible for approximately 77% of all marital distress in the first 11 seconds you get in bed.

It could happen to you tonight.

You have probably heard people recommend your bed should only be used for sex and sleep. It’s super duper advice because talking about you budget, doing taxes, eating potato chips, watching cat videos on YOUTube, or cutting your toenails are all terrorist level activities in bed.

As all married folk know, sex and sleeping are not the only activities to happen in bed. A third event threatens the very foundation of your relationship.

It’s called toxic temperature shock syndrome. It’s often characterized by racing thoughts of pending doom, temporary partial paralysis, and inability to speak kind words.

It may be different in your marriage but toxic temperature shock syndrome usually happens to me when my wife gets in to bed straight from the arctic. She assures me she has just been in the living room but I know somehow she just arrived from the coldest possible region of the globe. Her feet are frozen and I’m not about to “let it go.”

Early in our marriage I responded to toxic temperature shock syndrome by semi-consciously saying something like “what are you doing? are you trying to kill me?” Believe me, there’s no graceful way to recover the mood after accusing your spouse of homicidal intentions.

Husbands and wives vary dramatically in temperature regulation, but don’t worry, you are not as incompatible as it feels. You just need the correct technology.

Luckily we have found the miracle technology every marriage needs.

We have an electric mattress cover on our bed, also known as a heater for my wife’s side of the bed.

In contrast to an electric blanket, an electric mattress cover has separate controls for each side of the bed. We don’t have a Sleep Number brand bed but we do have our own numbers for the electric cover. Mine is close to zero, hers is around ten.

To all you doubters out there who don’t believe you need this amazing technology, perhaps you are right. You could just have your wife wear ski pants, an eskimo parka, and shag carpet inspired socks to bed. go ahead, it’s pretty much the same thing.

An electric mattress cover doesn’t fully prevent initial frozen feet shockers but the duration and drama is greatly minimized. It will also give you extra snuggle points, getting into a warm bed increases feelings of affection at least 99 percent.

What have you found to address temperature preference differences in your marriage?

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