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Marriage - 16. page

Adventure Together

Image credit: maridav / 123RF Stock Photo

When we were newly married we drove a Honda Prelude. It’s a sporty, two-door, pre-kids, newlywed type car. Driving back to Idaho after celebrating Christmas with family, the Prelude was overstuffed to put it mildly. We headed out for the 200 mile drive over the Blue Mountains of Oregon. The weather was especially snowy that evening and snow chains were required. After approximately forever following semi-trucks going 30 miles per hour, we were able to pull over to take the chains off. Exhausted from the prolonged trip, we were excited we could finally drive faster the rest of the way home.

Then I saw the flat tire.

By the looks of the tire it had been flat for many miles gone unnoticed due to the chains and bad weather. Changing the tire was the easy part. Digging out the spare donut tire from under meticulously crammed trunk was a disaster. Yet somehow the situation struck us as humorous and we laughed together as we crept home on the donut tire. Now, over ten years later, we still chuckle remembering that unexpected adventure. A deeper connection was formed through the shared experience of overcoming and surviving an otherwise rotten situation.

Shared activities rock marriages, in a good way. Some of the best experiences in marriages are just that, experiences. Adventures enliven positive emotions and deeper connections. When your marriage gets tense or tired turn up the fun. Find an activity and laugh together, it will increase the wow in your marriage, guaranteed. The activities don’t have to be Disney World big or flat tire inspired. Many times, simple things, like meeting for a lunchtime run around the neighborhood are incredible times together.

What shared adventures have rocked your marriage?

Ouch. That hurts.

ouch it hurts

I bit my cheek the other day. I immediately thought to myself “well, that didn’t hurt too bad.” You see, I’m pretty tough, no little cheek bite is going to take me out. Then it happened again when I least expected it. Ouch. Then again, a few days later. Man did it hurt. The more I bit it, the more it swelled up, until it was an unavoidable lump. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Disagreements are like that in marriage. No big deal, what’s a little spat anyway? It’s true, to a point, your marriage will not be taken out over one little disagreement. But watch out, forget to allow for healing and it won’t be long until that same spot gets crunched again. And again. Some couples fight about the same thing so often they are raw from the repeated injuries. Fights become unavoidable and increasingly painful.

The good news is your marriage can heal. The pain will go away but you have to stop the biting and fighting for a while. Slow down and take an injury time-out. Discussions are possible without hurting each other but it takes effort. After the new injuries have stopped, seek forgiveness for the pain you caused. When you intentionally heal past hurts, rather than continuing to chew on them, marriage feels better.

What sore spots do you keep biting in your marriage?