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When Celebrities Divorce: Quick insight from a marriage counselor

Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton
Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton

Country Singers Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert recently announced they are divorcing.

It seems sad. I watched a convincing interview not too long ago in which they explain how they fell in love and how much they love each other.

It may not seem like it but famous people get divorced for the same reasons others do. Their entertaining lifestyle and large bank accounts don’t exempt them from needing the basics required of every good marriage.

Healthy relationships require time together, exclusivity, and good communication to thrive. Perhaps Blake and Miranda lacked one of these vital parts of a thriving relationship. Hopefully our curiosity will not further impede on their request for privacy.

When you hear of a celebrity divorce don’t waste time speculating about why their relationship failed. Instead use it as a reminder to focus on YOUR marriage and intentionally invest in making your relationship stronger today.

You probably already know how to invest in your marriage. Go on a date, put your phone away for the evening, and talk to each other. If you are still lost check out my marriage blog and my new course:30 Days of Better Communication in Marriage.

Less nagging, more understanding, and incredible intimacy are possible in your marriage with better communication. 30 Days of Better Communication in Marriage provides practical action points to catapult your marriage to the next level.

Your 30 day journey begins here.

Remember Good Times

Copyright: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo

I love couples counseling. Often when I see couples for relationship counseling, all they can see and feel is conflict. Having them describe the problem is helpful but I like to hear about when their relationship was good. Refocusing on the benefits of a rekindled connection, rather than on the conflict that prompted them to seek counseling, is simple but often profound. When you can see the desired outcome for your marriage and feel what is possible, you can achieve it.

It’s healthy for all marriages to stop and recall special times when the relationship was especially close. If that time seems far away remember you are closer than you think. You can return to the closeness you have shared. If your relationship is awesome and everything is clicking in your marriage, remembering the great times will only enhance the feelings of connection. Double win.

Take a minute and remember significant times of connection in your marriage.

It’s easy to lose sight of the positives in your relationship when you have no timeor you are in the fog of exhaustion. If you are struggling in your marriage, feeling closer can resume by remembering when times were good, your connection was strong, laughter came easily, and seeing each other made your heart race.

For Hollie and I the times we recall as the closest in our marriage include the “big ones” like when our kids were born, Hawaiian vacations, or international travel. Other great memories include the “small things” like watching our kids play, walking to the park, praying together in the mornings, or drinking coffee on rainy days. Sometimes the closest times are not vacations or even fun. Some of the most challenging times, when we were concerned with difficult events in our lives, have been the closest times of connection. Turns out struggle can bring both intense hardship and intense connection.

What are some of your fondest memories in your marriage?

Six marriage essentials when you have no time

Image credit: costasz / 123RF Stock Photo
Image credit: costasz / 123RF Stock Photo


Married life is chaotic sometimes. Some weeks it may feel like you give maximum effort for your marriage and only receive exhaustion in return. Busyness is a way of life for many couples and those who routinely lack time together find it especially challenging to connect well. You may feel like you have “communication problems” when actually your schedule is the problem. 

When you feel disconnected check your schedule first. Unfortunately, it’s common for couples to only have a few hours together each week.

Most often, work schedules limit time together in marriage. For example, one partner works a day shift and the other works a swing or graveyard shift. Other work schedules include out of town travel where at least one partner is out of town for several days at a time.

Other times schedule problems have nothing to do with work but other obligations like taking care of kids, church meetings, time with friends, or sports practices. Most commitments are good things for good reasons but they can lead to marriage difficulties due to lack of time together.

Sometimes when couples come into my office for counseling it’s the only time they have had together in a week.

When your schedule is maxed and your connection is stressed, follow these six marriage essentials to make some wonderful in your marriage.

  1. Clarify what time you have. Only having a vague idea of how your schedules align is disastrous. Take a few minutes to go over the details of your schedule together; highlight the time you will have together this week.
  2. Identify the duration. Having a week with a lot of extra commitments or a week when one partner is traveling for work, is much different than long-term schedule difficulties. Understanding the current relationship time crunch is only temporary could make all the difference.
  3. Plan ahead. When you don’t have much time together, eliminate distractions by getting things done ahead of time. Connecting with your spouse is more likely if the dishes are already done.
  4. Be intentional. It’s especially important when you have limited time together to make the most of the time you have. When time is short, quality matters. Intentionally do things that promote connection. For example: go for a run together or simply snuggle, hold hands and kiss.
  5. Don’t skip sex. Consistent sex is a major source of intimate connection for married couples. It can be difficult to find adequate emotional and physical energy for sex when life is super stressful, commit to it anyway.
  6. Adjust as necessary. Reevaluating what is working and what is not working is critical to the success of your relationship. Occasionally weigh the pros and cons of your current schedule. Sure, work and other commitments are important, but if they are killing your relationship, it’s probably time to adjust.

When you have greatly limited time, each interaction intensifies. That intensity can burn relationships quickly. When the relational value of each minute is constricted, misinterpretation is commonplace because there is less time to clarify what you meant. Hurts take longer to address and heal when you have no time together. Smoldering hurt in marriage is destructive; raging arguments result when there is no time to tend to emotional miss-connections.

Some partners in marriage have different expectations of how much time is optimal for good connection. When you feel totally different, remember you are compatible enough.

Ultimately, you have to spend some time together to build a relationship. When your time is extra limited, your marriage can still thrive. It will take extra effort but many couples have used time constraints to gain increased focus on what really matters, each other.

What would you add? What has worked for your marriage when you had no time?