I love couples counseling. Often when I see couples for relationship counseling, all they can see and feel is conflict. Having them describe the problem is helpful but I like to hear about when their relationship was good. Refocusing on the benefits of a rekindled connection, rather than on the conflict that prompted them to seek counseling, is simple but often profound. When you can see the desired outcome for your marriage and feel what is possible, you can achieve it.
It’s healthy for all marriages to stop and recall special times when the relationship was especially close. If that time seems far away remember you are closer than you think. You can return to the closeness you have shared. If your relationship is awesome and everything is clicking in your marriage, remembering the great times will only enhance the feelings of connection. Double win.
Take a minute and remember significant times of connection in your marriage.
It’s easy to lose sight of the positives in your relationship when you have no timeor you are in the fog of exhaustion. If you are struggling in your marriage, feeling closer can resume by remembering when times were good, your connection was strong, laughter came easily, and seeing each other made your heart race.
For Hollie and I the times we recall as the closest in our marriage include the “big ones” like when our kids were born, Hawaiian vacations, or international travel. Other great memories include the “small things” like watching our kids play, walking to the park, praying together in the mornings, or drinking coffee on rainy days. Sometimes the closest times are not vacations or even fun. Some of the most challenging times, when we were concerned with difficult events in our lives, have been the closest times of connection. Turns out struggle can bring both intense hardship and intense connection.
What are some of your fondest memories in your marriage?