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6 Affirmations Every Guy Wants to Hear from Their Wife

guy


Ladies your words are powerful. And your guy is listening for your words. Sure, it may seem like he’s not listening to you but I guarantee he will hear your affirmations. Affirmations are simply saying positive things you know to be true. It’s much different than casual compliments, inflating his ego, or pandering. Sharing what you love about him is critical to a wonderful marriage.

  1. Your work matters

    Tell him you notice how hard he works. It’s meaningful for guys to know their work matters. Even if he doesn’t particularly like his job he will feel respected when you acknowledge that what he spends his day doing really matters. Say something like “You do good work, thanks for working so hard for me.”

  2. You have what it takes

    In his book Wild at Heart, John Eldredge explains every man needs to hear he has what it takes. It’s THE question all men are trying to answer. John expertly points out women cannot be the sole person to answer the question because the answer must ultimately come from God. We must hear God saying it to us. That being said, it’s nice to get a reminder from the person closest to us.

  3. Making love with you is awesome

    Sex is important in marriage. To really make his day, tell him you enjoy the connection of sexual intimacy with him.

  4. You are fun to be around

    Remind your guy you enjoy doing activities together. Find adventure with your husband and let him know you enjoy having fun. Simply say “you are fun” or “it’s great to hang out with you.”

  5. I respect your point of view

    You don’t have to agree with everything he says (and you probably shouldn’t) but being able to respect where he’s coming from will light his fire and motivate him to listen to your point of view.

  6. You are strong

    Sure he loves hearing how strong he is physically. Even if he sometimes lacks confidence and says he should workout more, he still gets a bit of a thrill from opening the jar of pickles when you can’t. Let him know you notice his strength in other areas; perhaps how he handles opposition at work, or how he stands up for what’s right even when it’s difficult.

Husbands who know how they are loved are better husbands. They are more able to respond to you in loving ways and are motivated to connect. Saying what you love about them is good, showing them you mean it is awesome, doing both will make some wonderful in your marriage.

Ladies, What does you husband love to hear from you?

Guys, What do you love to hear from your wife?

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She Sheds and a 3-Step Recipe for a Happy Marriage

Recently I came across this short article from Today.com describing a new trend. She sheds.

How my ‘She Shed’ improved my marriage

She sheds are a place, like a shed, designed as a type of hideaway for women. The separate place is intended to serve as a retreat in which they can reduce distractions and relax. The unique private place allows space to feed her soul and help her recharge.

It’s somewhat of a play on the concept of a man cave, a space where a man can enjoy “manly things” typically a big TV with sports or adventure movies playing loudly on surround sound. A man cave provides space for him to retreat into his interests.

I love the idea of a she shed. When my wife gets tired and overwhelmed with the three boys in her life, I’ll just send her to the shed. Oh, that’s right, I don’t have a tool shed. We keep the tools in the garage. Perhaps she would like to spend some relaxing time in the she garage?

She sheds sound about as realistic as living on the moon. Where are the children of these women with she sheds? I’m sure every mother would like (needs) a she shed where she can get away temporarily but is that even possible? Mothers often can’t even use the toilet without young children interrupting. I’m sure no three year old is going to understand and respect the intended privacy of mom’s getaway sanctuary in the back yard.

Kidding aside, this she shed seems awesome. The owner of this she shed, Barbara Techel, is a blogger who uses her she shed to write her blog and her books. Now that is something I could use.

My favorite part of the short article is the quote by the author talking about how her she shed has benefited her marriage. Barbara says about her husband John:

He “gets it” and understands that by honoring and respecting my needs, in turn, it makes for a happy wife. Which in turn makes for a happy husband. And yes, a happy marriage.

Now that’s a great 3-step recipe for a wonderfully happy marriage.

  1. Understand your spouse’s needs.

    Understanding your spouse may feel like an impossible task. Start by asking them. Say “Hey babe, what are your needs.” Perhaps not every spouse will easily articulate their needs. Our deeper emotional needs often feel risky to share. Our wants are often much easier to identify because they don’t have the emotional consequences or the risk of rejection. Communicating your deeper emotional needs is a skill you must intentionally develop. Sharing with your spouse on an emotional level will dramatically improve your connection in marriage. When you ask your spouse what their needs are be prepared to implement the next ingredient in the happy marriage.

  2. Honor and respect their needs.

    It’s critical, once you have discovered and understand your spouse’s needs, to validate them as important. It’s not enough to simply understand, you must take action. For Barbara Techel’s husband, John, it meant building her a she shed to provide for her need to have her own space. You don’t have to convert your tool shed into a retreat center or turn your formal dining room into a sports center man cave. For you, respecting your spouse’s needs could look very different. It could be providing relaxation for your spouse by putting the kids to bed while she enjoys a bath or taking a family vacation to the ocean.

  3. Enjoy a happy spouse and a happy marriage.

    The only part left is to celebrate and enjoy a happy marriage. I’m not sure about Barbara and John but I have a feeling they don’t spend all of their time in their separate spaces. Happy couples know how to connect emotionally and provide appropriate space in their marriage. They are happy because relational needs are met and therefore both their time together and away from each other benefits their connection. Perhaps a she shed will meet your needs and improve your marriage. However you and your spouse are able to meet each others needs, a happy marriage ultimately comes from wonderful connection to each other.


View the original article by Barbara Techel on her blog, Joyful Paws

Watch Barbara Techel being interviewed on Weekend Sunrise, the Australian version of the Today Show.

View pictures of a variety she sheds


Go Deeper.

If you want to learn more about how to communicate for better connection in your marriage you are in luck. I’m putting the finishing touches on my new course

30 Days of Better Communication 

30 Days of Better Communication consists of 30 daily lessons to help you enjoy better connection in your marriage through better communication. Launch date is July 1. Make sure to join my email list to get all the details and be the first to receive it.

5 Affirmations Every Mom Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day. (Especially on Mother’s Day)

Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com
Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com

Moms are the best.

They supply the world with generous unconditional love. Moms deserve to know the impact of their work because the pressure of mothering can be heavy at times. Mommy guilt is the feeling moms get when they feel inadequate in their efforts to fulfill all the expectations in life. In those moments they worry about their priorities and feel they should have done something different. Husbands, you can’t prevent all of these feelings but you can greatly reduce them by affirming her. Sharing positive comments about your wife’s mothering skills is a great way to instantly improve your marriage. Notice her efforts and remind her of your love and gratitude for who she is and what she does. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a good mom. Parenting has a way of leading to self-doubt. When the frustrations of caring for kids overwhelm, it’s easy to be discouraged. Your wife should hear from you “you are a good mom.” If she protests, gently persist with specific examples.

  2. We can do this together. Marriage is a partnership in all aspects and parenting works best when it’s a team sport. Embrace the shared goal of raising kids into functioning adults. When she knows you are truly in it together, the load of the task is not quite as heavy.

  3. Your work is valuable. To really love your wife, affirm her efforts and daily activities. Tell her the actions she takes are noticed and you are grateful for her work. If your wife cares for your kids full time make sure to notice and affirm the little miracles she performs every day. Mothers who work outside the home need to feel supported and appreciated for their work at the office and raising kids.

  4. I love you. Affirming your love for her is always important. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. Remind her daily of your commitment to love her. Simply saying “I love you” communicates you notice her and are emotionally available and responsive.

  5. It’s ok to rest. Mothering is exhausting and never ending. It’s also probably a lot of work being married to you. Mothers frequently have the internal pressure to continue performing and striving. That’s good, it ensures the survival of humanity. But mothers also need to know physical and emotional rest is appropriate. Give your wife the go ahead to rest and then get busy providing her the opportunity to rest when needed.

Affirmations work best when you use both words and actions. Telling her is good, showing her is awesome, doing both is magic.



You may also like: 5 Affirmations Every WIFE Should Hear From Her Husband Every Day. Learn what to say first when you give a compliment and what to say first when you are arguing. Hint: The subtle difference will make all the difference.

The Funny Thing About Humor in Marriage (And 6 principles for more fun in your marriage)

Laughing couple

Humor and fun are critical to a great marriage.

The more humor you have in your marriage the more fun your marriage will become. Having fun together is seriously one of the best things for strengthening your connection in marriage.

See what I did there? Fun is serious. So poetic.

I wish I could say life is always fun and only awesome things happen when you are married. Life has served my wife Hollie and I a dose of serious in the last few months. We’ve struggled at times to find humor in life in the midst of worry and uncertainty. In seasons of stress and chaos humor seems far away. It may take time to trudge through the desert but always be on the lookout for the oasis of humor in your marriage.

oasis

2 benefits of humor in your marriage.

  1. Laughing is healthy. I’m not a doctor but humor is good for your body. I came across a great article on the 7 Health Benefits of Laughter If you clicked on the link you will notice they suggested one of the benefits of laughing is an ab workout. That’s probably a bit of a stretch, I doubt anyone has ever developed a six pack simply from laughing. The other 6 seem legit and having fun is clearly good for your body.
  2. Having fun is well…fun. Having fun is a benefit enough. If you don’t have humor in your marriage you likely think marriage sucks. When you make your marriage fun you will like it more. You don’t have the wrong partner, your marriage is not a doomed, you simply have a fun deficit.

2 common ways couples fail at humor

Just like honesty, you can do humor wrong in marriage.

  1. Refrain from the humor blame game. Saying “It’s your fault we never have any fun” isn’t funny and it kills the mood. Blaming your spouse for the lack of fun in your marriage is damaging to your connection. If your marriage is dull, come together and think of a solution, not an excuse.
  2. Using your spouse as an object of critical humor is the worst. Many comedians specialize in putting people down as their brand of dark humor. This is a terrible idea for marriage. There is nothing worse than using humor to criticize. “I was just kidding” doesn’t even start to undo all the hurt from the cutting remarks you made to others at the expense of your spouse.

2 ways to regain humor in your marriage

  1. Remember the fun times you’ve had together. Recalling time in the past when you laughed is a good way to rekindle fun. Think of inside jokes and crazy stories you share. A while back I got locked in a bathroom at a funeral. The little bathroom was right next to the seating area of the funeral chapel. The door knob was old fashioned, the type that wobble too much. The door knob wouldn’t open the door. I panicked and shook the door knob as vigorously as possible to avoid disturbing the somber funeral gathering only feet away. I ended up knocking on the door while inside. Thankfully my wife rescued me by opening the door from the outside. We looked at each other wide-eyed and shared a silent-as-appropriate-for-a-funeral laugh.door knob
  2. Do something fun with your spouse today. Recently Hollie and I went to see comedian Ken Davis. It was a great way to relax and enjoy good humor together. It’s true, delaying pleasure to meet long term goals is a sign of self control and wisdom, but all work and no play makes a dull and boring marriage. There is deep wisdom in joy. Enjoying time with your spouse is one of the best investments you can make in life. You have permission to have fun with your spouse. Go get ‘em and have some fun. Today.

BONUS tip:

Have fun with other couples. A few years ago Hollie and I went to see the Tonight Show with Jay Leno in person. It was a blast seeing behind the scenes of the show and getting to shake his hand when he walked out on stage. The thing I remember most is how much the audience laughed. I enjoy a good Jay Leno joke but when I was in the audience live, I laughed at everything. Laughing with others is powerful and more fun.


If you are serious about having fun I have a recommendation: Listen to my friend’s podcast “Shop Talk with Ken

ShoptalkheaderMy friend Ken Moore is funny. His podcast “Shop Talk with Ken” is pure random fun. Listening to Ken’s podcast is almost as fun as hanging out with Ken. He’s a natural humorist, umm the word humorist sounds way too formal, simply said he’s a funny guy. I especially enjoy his podcast because it’s clean humor without all the crude of some comedy shows.

From time to time I write a funny blog post about marriage. For more fun check out these other funny posts from MakeSomeWonderful.com

The Miracle Technology Every Marriage Needs

6 Terrible Dating Techniques of Taco Bell Guy and What to Do Instead

A Hot Valentine’s Day

4 Marriage Lessons from Sour Milk

milk


I never feel more apologetic than when I clean the back seat of the car. In those moments I apologize to my car for having children. Last summer our car smelled. Bad. Upon further investigation we discovered a long hidden sippy cup lodged under the seat. It had been filled with milk and given to one of our sons and at some point in the chaos of child transport it was forgotten. Until the smell. The first day the smell arrived it smelled like something had died along the road, like we passed roadkill along the way. The smell was disregarded as we got out of the car. By the second day of the smell it was clear the roadkill was somewhere in the car. We cleaned the car and found the cup. The sour smell was overwhelming and the sick feeling was made worse when we discovered the smell was not only from the cup of sour milk but that the milk had spilled onto the floor of the car. We scrubbed, we removed the seats, we scrubbed and washed and air freshened. Eventually the smell diminished but the smell still lingers in my memory.

The sour milk tragedy reminds me of the interaction cycle of some couples. In life and marriage not everything works out perfectly. Mistakes are made, miscommunication happens and hurtful words get flung around. For healthy couples these difficult times are no fun but they are quickly resolved and connection is restored. Unfortunately, some couples ignore the mess and conflict hoping it will go away. Their conflict continues and their connection suffers until the smell becomes unbearable.

To avoid a sour milk marriage:

  1. Risk making a mess. First of all it’s okay to really engage in your relationship. You must risk vulnerability to connect well in your marriage. We are okay with living in our car. We want to engage with our children in the car which means risking spills and crushed fish crackers in the car seats. Don’t be so scared of making a mistake in your relationship that you suffocate authenticity.
  2. Take care. Although we allow our kids to eat in the car we also teach them not to be careless. We don’t expect them to never spill but we do expect them to learn. Invest in your relationship. Learn how to avoid relationship injuries. Talk to your spouse about ways you can reduce conflict. Get expert help when you are not sure how to connect well without fighting.
  3. Stop criticizing. It would not have helped to yell at our kids for spilling the milk. In your relationship it doesn’t help to shame your spouse. No matter how much you know about your spouse of how careful you are arguments will happen. Criticism destroys the foundation of trust in relationships.
  4. Clean up quickly. The main problem in our car was not that milk was spilled but that we didn’t clean it up soon enough. The warm summer days took our neglect and punished our sense of smell. When fights and arguments result in hurt feelings don’t just let it sit. You can take time to cool off if your argument gets too hot but don’t let it go days without working to resolve the tension. The longer you keep unaddressed conflict in your marriage the nastier it gets. Healthy couples quickly clean up the spills of relationship injuries.