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5 Affirmations Every Mom Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day. (Especially on Mother’s Day)

Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com
Photo by Debbie Brown brownstudios.com

Moms are the best.

They supply the world with generous unconditional love. Moms deserve to know the impact of their work because the pressure of mothering can be heavy at times. Mommy guilt is the feeling moms get when they feel inadequate in their efforts to fulfill all the expectations in life. In those moments they worry about their priorities and feel they should have done something different. Husbands, you can’t prevent all of these feelings but you can greatly reduce them by affirming her. Sharing positive comments about your wife’s mothering skills is a great way to instantly improve your marriage. Notice her efforts and remind her of your love and gratitude for who she is and what she does. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a good mom. Parenting has a way of leading to self-doubt. When the frustrations of caring for kids overwhelm, it’s easy to be discouraged. Your wife should hear from you “you are a good mom.” If she protests, gently persist with specific examples.

  2. We can do this together. Marriage is a partnership in all aspects and parenting works best when it’s a team sport. Embrace the shared goal of raising kids into functioning adults. When she knows you are truly in it together, the load of the task is not quite as heavy.

  3. Your work is valuable. To really love your wife, affirm her efforts and daily activities. Tell her the actions she takes are noticed and you are grateful for her work. If your wife cares for your kids full time make sure to notice and affirm the little miracles she performs every day. Mothers who work outside the home need to feel supported and appreciated for their work at the office and raising kids.

  4. I love you. Affirming your love for her is always important. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. Remind her daily of your commitment to love her. Simply saying “I love you” communicates you notice her and are emotionally available and responsive.

  5. It’s ok to rest. Mothering is exhausting and never ending. It’s also probably a lot of work being married to you. Mothers frequently have the internal pressure to continue performing and striving. That’s good, it ensures the survival of humanity. But mothers also need to know physical and emotional rest is appropriate. Give your wife the go ahead to rest and then get busy providing her the opportunity to rest when needed.

Affirmations work best when you use both words and actions. Telling her is good, showing her is awesome, doing both is magic.



You may also like: 5 Affirmations Every WIFE Should Hear From Her Husband Every Day. Learn what to say first when you give a compliment and what to say first when you are arguing. Hint: The subtle difference will make all the difference.

4 Marriage Lessons from Sour Milk

milk


I never feel more apologetic than when I clean the back seat of the car. In those moments I apologize to my car for having children. Last summer our car smelled. Bad. Upon further investigation we discovered a long hidden sippy cup lodged under the seat. It had been filled with milk and given to one of our sons and at some point in the chaos of child transport it was forgotten. Until the smell. The first day the smell arrived it smelled like something had died along the road, like we passed roadkill along the way. The smell was disregarded as we got out of the car. By the second day of the smell it was clear the roadkill was somewhere in the car. We cleaned the car and found the cup. The sour smell was overwhelming and the sick feeling was made worse when we discovered the smell was not only from the cup of sour milk but that the milk had spilled onto the floor of the car. We scrubbed, we removed the seats, we scrubbed and washed and air freshened. Eventually the smell diminished but the smell still lingers in my memory.

The sour milk tragedy reminds me of the interaction cycle of some couples. In life and marriage not everything works out perfectly. Mistakes are made, miscommunication happens and hurtful words get flung around. For healthy couples these difficult times are no fun but they are quickly resolved and connection is restored. Unfortunately, some couples ignore the mess and conflict hoping it will go away. Their conflict continues and their connection suffers until the smell becomes unbearable.

To avoid a sour milk marriage:

  1. Risk making a mess. First of all it’s okay to really engage in your relationship. You must risk vulnerability to connect well in your marriage. We are okay with living in our car. We want to engage with our children in the car which means risking spills and crushed fish crackers in the car seats. Don’t be so scared of making a mistake in your relationship that you suffocate authenticity.
  2. Take care. Although we allow our kids to eat in the car we also teach them not to be careless. We don’t expect them to never spill but we do expect them to learn. Invest in your relationship. Learn how to avoid relationship injuries. Talk to your spouse about ways you can reduce conflict. Get expert help when you are not sure how to connect well without fighting.
  3. Stop criticizing. It would not have helped to yell at our kids for spilling the milk. In your relationship it doesn’t help to shame your spouse. No matter how much you know about your spouse of how careful you are arguments will happen. Criticism destroys the foundation of trust in relationships.
  4. Clean up quickly. The main problem in our car was not that milk was spilled but that we didn’t clean it up soon enough. The warm summer days took our neglect and punished our sense of smell. When fights and arguments result in hurt feelings don’t just let it sit. You can take time to cool off if your argument gets too hot but don’t let it go days without working to resolve the tension. The longer you keep unaddressed conflict in your marriage the nastier it gets. Healthy couples quickly clean up the spills of relationship injuries.

6 Terrible Dating Techniques of Taco Bell Guy and What To Do Instead

guy in white shirt

The other day our family went out to eat at Taco Bell.* We set up camp near a young couple who appeared to be on a date. (Setting up camp is what it’s like to take two young boys out to eat anywhere.) Between directing our kids to eat their food, getting more napkins, and re-explaining the various types of cheese, we casually observed the date at the next table.

We learned a lot from watching the young couple set sail upon the waters of relationship building. Married folk like us may think we are way more advanced in relationships than this young inexperienced couple, but the lessons are for us too.

  1. Be the star of the show. This guy in Taco Bell talked non stop. He didn’t even pause while chewing his food. If your date wanted a show, they would have simply gone to a movie. For a real relationship to grow you must interact. When you spend time with your spouse, let them talk. Shut up enough to have a real conversation. Show your interest in your date by really listening to what they have to say.
  2. Talking and eating go well together. Occasionally we have to remind our three year old to use his manners, your spouse shouldn’t have to remind you. Simple manners like eating with your mouth closed, are important for all relationships. Manners display a level of maturity and respect.
  3. As long as you are funny it’s fine to insult your date. The guy in Taco Bell was not complimentary of his friend. I don’t get that. She was spending her time eating with him, at least he could be nice, it’s not too much for her to expect. The same goes for your spouse, they agreed to marry you, at least use nice words, it’s a reasonable expectation. Humor is awesome but using humor to excuse criticism is a connection killer.
  4. Guard your stuff. The guy in Taco Bell was well past kindergarten; he should have known the concept of sharing. But when she reached for a nibble of his food he told her he was not sharing. Umm, it’s just one or two mexi-fries dude, you will survive without them. Married people can become overly possessive of their stuff too. If your spouse reaches for your phone or drives your car to work, don’t get upset. Healthy couples know how to share, willingly.
  5. Make your point clear by hitting. The guy at Taco Bell swatted her hand away when she jokingly reached for his food. This dating technique is a major problem. Never hit your date. Touching is an important way to communicate closeness, care, and connection in relationships. Hurtful touches, no matter the intention, damage relationship and destroy trust needed for building good relationships.
  6. Be stingy. From what I could tell, the guy in Taco Bell didn’t pay for her food. I know it may be old fashioned for the guy to always buy on a date, but it was Taco Bell, it wouldn’t have broke the bank. Married folk, avoid getting into a lifetime of deciding if it is his or her bill to pay. Combine your finances and live on a budget. Above all else, always be on the lookout for how you can be more generous toward your spouse.

What have you learned by observing other couples?

*This post was developed after observing real interactions while in a Taco Bell. In no way do I intend to disparage Taco Bell or anyone for eating at Taco Bell. Taco Bell is awesome. In this post I refer to the young man on his date as “Taco Bell Guy” because he was a guy in Taco Bell; he was not an employee of Taco Bell. While I observed individuals at Taco Bell I did not talk to them, I do not know them, what they were discussing, or the nature of their relationship. If you believe, through my descriptions of this couple, it was you, then I hope you learned something. You never know when you may be on a date next to a marriage counselor.

Photo credit:Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

5 Refreshing Spring Cleaning Tips for Your Marriage

spring cleaning

Winter has left my lawn scraggly and brown; its cold winds piled leaves on the front step. The only green is the one struggling daffodil yet to bloom and the small weeds coming up around it. Spring is here and it’s time for a good spring cleaning.

I actually enjoy working in my yard in the springtime. I like seeing the grass turn green and the the small buds on the trees transform into leaves. Small weeds poke up but they are easily plucked out in the moist spring mornings. The smell of the first lawn mowing reminds me of warm summer fun.

Marriage has seasons too. Marriages can go through winters where connection is cold and stormy disagreements prevail.

Spring is the breeze of hope that nudges away the chill and grime of winter. Springtime can bring dramatic transformation to your marriage.

You can experience new growth and excitement in your marriage this spring.

Time for your spring cleaning.

Tend to your marriage; let some sun in and water it.

  1. Clear out the garbage from winter. Apologize for your role in the disconnection and conflict in your marriage. Acknowledging the dirt including your mistakes and neglect must come before forgiveness. Then when you commit to forgive you can begin to reestablish trust and intimate connection.
  2. Dust off your poor selfish attitude. Find ways to serve your spouse. Give them a break from the responsibilities of their day. Intentionally surprise them with a small gift or do something they enjoy, even if it’s not your favorite.
  3. Get out in the sunshine again. Have fun together. Smile. Move. Take a walk. Seek adventure again. Laugh together. Get her some flowers. It won’t take long before you start to notice the warmth of connection return.
  4. Listen for the sweet sounds of spring. Tell your spouse what you love about them every day. Start an affirmation habit. Nothing will revive a cold marriage as fast as sincere words of affirmation.
  5. Take in the fresh air. Stop avoiding and really ask how your spouse feels. Transform stale talking into meaningful conversation. Dream together. It may feel risky to deepen your communication but when you do your marriage will burst with new life.

What is your favorite part of Spring?

The 5 Affirmations Every Wife Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day

affirmation couple large

It may feel complicated and confusing trying to understand your wife and her emotional needs. Daily affirmations will give her the smile you’ve been looking for. Don’t worry, you have what it takes; affirmations are simply nice words you know to be true. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a blessing. Tell her out loud you are thankful for her. Gratitude is critical for great connection. This affirmation is especially great to say in the morning. When you declare her a blessing first thing, gratitude becomes the lens through which you see your relationship which prevents conflict.
  2. You are beautiful. Her outward physical beauty is important to affirm. Never stop complimenting your wife’s physical beauty. Some women with poor self image try to sabotage their husband’s affirmations, persist with your affirmation anyway. Inner beauty includes positive personality characteristics you find attractive. “I love the way you really care about people you interact with, you are beautiful.”
  3. You are loved. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. You may even remember the first time you told her you loved her. Even if you think she should already know, tell her she is loved every day.
  4. You are desired. In their book Captivating John and Stasi Eldredge share how every woman has a deep craving to be desirable. Pursue your wife in a way which demonstrates she is desired and you will connect deeper than ever before.
  5. You are a great wife. Of all the relationships you have in your life, your marriage relationship is uniquely special. Affirm her success in your relationship. Tell her she is doing a great job of loving you.

Each affirmation intentionally begins with the word you. The focus should be her. When giving affirmations it is easy to start with yourself. “I’m blessed to be your husband” is nice but the point of saying what is true about her can get lost when you start with I.

Side note: When you are having a difficult conversation or an argument, start with I. When tensions are high starting with the word you will sound demeaning and blaming. For example “you always spend too much money.” In a heated discussion begin by explaining how you feel in the situation. For example “I feel overwhelmed at the thought of working more overtime when we overspend our budget.”

To add emphasis to your positive affirmations pair them with affection. Saying you love your wife sounds even better when you are physically close to her. Communication works best when you use both words and actions.

Telling them is good, showing them is awesome, doing both is magic. Don’t settle for talk only. Words with no action is lying. Saying you love her but not acting in loving ways destroys trust. You become a con-man spewing sweet words and never following through. Action with no words is confusing. Although it’s awesome to have a spouse who consistently acts in loving ways, marriage can become awkward in silence. Like living with a mime who gets all the actions right, a marriage without verbal affirmation quickly becomes confusing and lonely. The marital magic comes when you combine words and actions. When you tell your spouse she is beautiful and act in ways that make her feel beautiful, you will have a magically wonderful marriage.

What does your wife love to hear?
Photo Credit:/ 123RF Stock Photo