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The 5 Affirmations Every Wife Should Hear From Their Husband Every Day

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It may feel complicated and confusing trying to understand your wife and her emotional needs. Daily affirmations will give her the smile you’ve been looking for. Don’t worry, you have what it takes; affirmations are simply nice words you know to be true. Share these five affirmations with your wife everyday for a wonderful marriage.

  1. You are a blessing. Tell her out loud you are thankful for her. Gratitude is critical for great connection. This affirmation is especially great to say in the morning. When you declare her a blessing first thing, gratitude becomes the lens through which you see your relationship which prevents conflict.
  2. You are beautiful. Her outward physical beauty is important to affirm. Never stop complimenting your wife’s physical beauty. Some women with poor self image try to sabotage their husband’s affirmations, persist with your affirmation anyway. Inner beauty includes positive personality characteristics you find attractive. “I love the way you really care about people you interact with, you are beautiful.”
  3. You are loved. Sure, we overuse the word love for everything. “I love bacon, I love power tools, I love Netflix.” But declaring your love in a relationship IS special. You may even remember the first time you told her you loved her. Even if you think she should already know, tell her she is loved every day.
  4. You are desired. In their book Captivating John and Stasi Eldredge share how every woman has a deep craving to be desirable. Pursue your wife in a way which demonstrates she is desired and you will connect deeper than ever before.
  5. You are a great wife. Of all the relationships you have in your life, your marriage relationship is uniquely special. Affirm her success in your relationship. Tell her she is doing a great job of loving you.

Each affirmation intentionally begins with the word you. The focus should be her. When giving affirmations it is easy to start with yourself. “I’m blessed to be your husband” is nice but the point of saying what is true about her can get lost when you start with I.

Side note: When you are having a difficult conversation or an argument, start with I. When tensions are high starting with the word you will sound demeaning and blaming. For example “you always spend too much money.” In a heated discussion begin by explaining how you feel in the situation. For example “I feel overwhelmed at the thought of working more overtime when we overspend our budget.”

To add emphasis to your positive affirmations pair them with affection. Saying you love your wife sounds even better when you are physically close to her. Communication works best when you use both words and actions.

Telling them is good, showing them is awesome, doing both is magic. Don’t settle for talk only. Words with no action is lying. Saying you love her but not acting in loving ways destroys trust. You become a con-man spewing sweet words and never following through. Action with no words is confusing. Although it’s awesome to have a spouse who consistently acts in loving ways, marriage can become awkward in silence. Like living with a mime who gets all the actions right, a marriage without verbal affirmation quickly becomes confusing and lonely. The marital magic comes when you combine words and actions. When you tell your spouse she is beautiful and act in ways that make her feel beautiful, you will have a magically wonderful marriage.

What does your wife love to hear?
Photo Credit:/ 123RF Stock Photo

Improve Your Marriage with Woohoo! Power

woohoo!!

“Hey dad look! They have candy!” My eyes followed my 6 year old’s pointed finger and I saw it too. It was halftime of a local high school basketball game and there WAS candy on the basketball floor. To raise money for the basketball team they put candy around the court and for a donation, participants had one shot to make a basket from that place to win the candy.

From that moment on my son had the basketball for candy game on his mind and began serious negotiations to participate. Soon halftime was over, but his determination was not. Never underestimate the motivating power of candy for a kindergartner.

Then my wife had a brilliant plan. “we can have our own game at home.” So we made our own version of the basketball for candy game. We took the nerf basketball hoop and put it up the garage. We drew circles with chalk on the garage floor. Each circle was given it’s own value for a made shot from that distance. One circle was good for a skittle; one would win them a sucker and one was for gum.
I love giving candy to our boys but I didn’t want to owe them halloween buckets of candy after our shoot around in the garage. On the closest two circles I put “Woohoo!” and “High 5.” If they made a basket from the closest distances I would give him a high five or a loud Woohoo!
When the game started my son was motivated to get candy but he found it difficult to make a shot from three point land. He moved up and scored lots from the Woohoo! and high five areas. He eventually made some shots from farther away and gladly received his candy but he never grew tired of the Woohoos and high fives. His eyes lit up when he made it from the Woohoo! circle and came running no matter where I was in anticipation of my crazy, loud, over-the-top WOOHOO!

Kids love verbal affirmation even more than candy. Now that is powerful.

Woohoo! power works wonders in marriage too.

Say nice words to your spouse. The words you say matter deeply to the heart of your spouse and they speak to the condition of your marriage.

When you give your spouse a woohoo! affirmation you are saying to them:

  1. You are valued. You are delightful. You are amazing.
  2. Our relationship is valued. I like when we are close. Being married to you is wonderful.
  3. We can face it together. Whatever life brings we are on the same team and we are going to make it.

The more descriptive your verbal affirmation, the better. Look for their eyes to light up. If you are new to verbal affirmation, the look in their eye may be shock and disbelief at first. Keep going. If you feel kinda silly, that’s fine, you’re on the right track.

Using encouraging words will transform your marriage. I know it may sound overly simplistic or too good to be true but I’ve watched it happen. I have counseled couples near divorce who feel exhausted, angry, and hopeless in their marriage. When they were able to verbalize genuine verbal affirmations, their marriage beg an to heal. Their circumstances didn’t change but their relationship changed dramatically. Difficult circumstances and impossible decisions were not as heavy. They were able to live together and enjoy it again. They smiled more. Instead of attacking each other they ran to each other anticipating their own version of a crazy, loud, over-the-top woohoo! from each other.

When you are secure in your relationship, circumstances become a challenge not a crisis.

Affirm your spouse today, it’s as simple as a Woohoo! or a high five.

What does a crazy, loud, over-the-top woohoo! sound like in your marriage?

woohoo

7 Relationship Hacks to Make the Most of Your Time Together

Copyright:  / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

 

We’re all busy. Marriage can be especially difficult when you have no time together.

The couples with the best relationships find a way to make the most of the time they have together.

Time is a valuable resource. Make the most of it.

  1. Look at each other. What you are looking at has your attention. Communication works better with eye contact. When you look at your spouse you can better understand their body language. Looking at your phone does not count as spending time together, even if you are posting how much you love your spouse on Facebook.
  2. Touch each other. Physical touch is an amazing way to connect emotionally when you have time together. Brief affectionate touching is all you need for wonderful connection. Touching all the time is going to end up awkward and impractical as a three legged race.
  3. Team up on tasks. Doing projects and spending time together are not mutually exclusive. Go to the store together, clean the garage together, make lunch together, clean mud off your toddler together. If you wait until you have uninterrupted time together, you will be out of time. Divide and conquer is a good strategy to get tasks done but it rarely ends up allowing for more time together later.
  4. Eat together. You have to do it anyway, do it together. Nourishing your physical body can also nourish your emotional connection.
  5. Exercise together. The benefit of exercise is both physical and relational. Couples who sweat together stay together. This Psychology Today article agrees.  Go for a run together, it could be just the adventure your relationship needs.
  6. Go to sleep together. When you go to bed at the same time you maximize your time together. The bedroom setting also allows for more private conversation and increases the likelihood of sex. Ok, this is not exactly guaranteed, especially when you have children, but it’s still a great idea.
  7. Wake up together. Morning time may not be your prime time, but starting the day together can set you up for a great well connected day. It works for Jon and Jenny Acuff.

 

What would you add? What relationship hacks have been the most helpful in your marriage?

Healing Relationship Sore Spots

Copyright: ximagination / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: ximagination / 123RF Stock Photo

 

In my very first blog post on Make Some Wonderful (now nearly one year ago) I wrote about biting my cheek and how in marriage our emotional “sore spots” are difficult to avoid.

Click here to read the original post, “Ouch, That Hurts.”

“Sore spots” are the areas of our life most sensitive to criticism, usually due to past experiences of deep emotional hurt. Touching these sensitive spots can lead to an ugly fight or end one by going too far.

Marriage is simultaneously the most protective and most vulnerable place on earth.

When I meet with couples for marriage counseling I like to see them fight. Ok, I don’t really like it but your medical doctor doesn’t need to see the parts of your body that are feeling good.

When I see couples fight, I can see the sore spots that need care and attention.

The sore spots are often the ones being pushed, bit, and exposed in the fight. It can take some time to uncover the real wound and many couples are unaware of the extent of their own sore spots and those of their spouse.

Unlike the biting analogy in my first post, in marriage we tend not to re-injure ourselves over and over, it is our spouse we re-injure.

This has to stop.

After you have a fight with your spouse you can reconnect, stop the re-injuries, and end the pattern of interaction that makes the same fights come up over and over again.

  1. Express care for your spouse and their emotional health. Look them in the eye and slowly express your love for them and describe in detail three things you love about them.

  2. Acknowledge you may have hurt them and gently ask what hurt.

  3. Listen without becoming defensive. This is the key, and the hardest part. Hear them out, listen for their heart, not your defense.

  4. Express empathy for their hurt (validate their feelings) and reaffirm your love for them.

  5. Stop. Do nothing else. Ok, maybe a hug, but nothing else. No more words. Stop. It may feel like there has to be more for the argument to be resolved, a winner must be declared or your side must be heard now. Nope. Just stop.

The healing is in the connection. When you respond with care to hurt, you are fixing it. To heal past relationship hurts, you must build new emotionally healthy interactions. If you try to do or say more, the risk of getting sucked back into the same destructive pattern is too great.

The success of your re-connection depends mostly on the willingness of one partner to be vulnerable and for the other partner to respond softly toward connection and away from defensiveness. If this is too risky right now, wait until emotions have cooled a bit more and you have the emotional space needed. If your relationship is too contentious to have a conversation like outlined above, please get professional assistance. Find a counselor and start the healing.

You won’t always be able to avoid the sore spots in your marriage. But when you are well connected the emotional relationship injuries will be infrequent and less intense. When you intentionally heal past hurts, rather than continuing to cut each other, marriage feels great again.

 

What do you do after a fight to reconnect with your spouse?

Why Rejection is Good

Copyright: malyugin / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: malyugin / 123RF Stock Photo

Rejection is not always bad. It could greatly benefit your marriage.

Rejection is mandatory for a great marriage.

Rejection is even included in some traditional wedding vows. “Do you take [Your Spouse’s Name] to be your wedded wife/husband to have and to hold from this day forward, rejecting all others remaining true to him/her as long as you both shall live?”

Rejecting all others highlights the importance of exclusivity in marriage. Your marriage is an exclusive private party for two. Exclusivity is the foundation of marital intimacy.

In basketball, a blocked shot is called a rejection and it’s one of my favorite parts of the game. It’s a violent action; politeness is not required.

When protecting your marriage, please don’t act like you are in a Grey Poupon commercial “pardon me, but I’ll have to respectfully decline your offer to ruin my marriage.”

Exclusivity and intimacy are worth fighting for. Don’t stand by while others threaten your connection and erode your intimacy. Violently reject everything that derails emotional connection with your spouse.

Protecting the union with your spouse is critical for successful marriage. No one should be allowed to interfere with your connection. I have met couples who become disconnected due to interference they allowed from parents, kids, pastors, real-estate agents, and Facebook friends.

Protecting your marriage could be accomplished by simply putting down your phone.

Important tip: Don’t get rejection happy and block your own teammate.
1. Remember you and your spouse are on the same team with the same goal of true intimacy.
2. Work together to identify threats to your connection.
3. Get busy rejecting together. It will Make some Wonderful in your marriage.

What have you rejected to protect your marriage?