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Why Rejection is Good

Copyright: malyugin / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: malyugin / 123RF Stock Photo

Rejection is not always bad. It could greatly benefit your marriage.

Rejection is mandatory for a great marriage.

Rejection is even included in some traditional wedding vows. “Do you take [Your Spouse’s Name] to be your wedded wife/husband to have and to hold from this day forward, rejecting all others remaining true to him/her as long as you both shall live?”

Rejecting all others highlights the importance of exclusivity in marriage. Your marriage is an exclusive private party for two. Exclusivity is the foundation of marital intimacy.

In basketball, a blocked shot is called a rejection and it’s one of my favorite parts of the game. It’s a violent action; politeness is not required.

When protecting your marriage, please don’t act like you are in a Grey Poupon commercial “pardon me, but I’ll have to respectfully decline your offer to ruin my marriage.”

Exclusivity and intimacy are worth fighting for. Don’t stand by while others threaten your connection and erode your intimacy. Violently reject everything that derails emotional connection with your spouse.

Protecting the union with your spouse is critical for successful marriage. No one should be allowed to interfere with your connection. I have met couples who become disconnected due to interference they allowed from parents, kids, pastors, real-estate agents, and Facebook friends.

Protecting your marriage could be accomplished by simply putting down your phone.

Important tip: Don’t get rejection happy and block your own teammate.
1. Remember you and your spouse are on the same team with the same goal of true intimacy.
2. Work together to identify threats to your connection.
3. Get busy rejecting together. It will Make some Wonderful in your marriage.

What have you rejected to protect your marriage?

Celebrate!

Copyright: subbotina / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: subbotina / 123RF Stock Photo

Ever have one of those weeks that’s just like all the others? It wasn’t horrible, just unremarkable and kinda blah. The work-a-day world tends to take the color and excitement of life and dull it up a bit. We have all had ho hum days in our marriage, when the joy of relationship has withered.

Good news, your drudgery can change in one easy step. You can do it anytime, it doesn’t cost anything, it’s fun, and it will change everything.

Celebrate.

Yep, that’s all. Let it rip. Celebrate! Like the Kool & the Gang song says “Celebrate good times! Come on!”

I love watching NFL football one of my favorite parts is watching the touchdown celebrations. Nothing pumps me up like a crazy celebration in the end zone. When the player shows his excitement and the crowd erupts in celebration, we connect through the shared emotion.

When you and your spouse celebrate together you will connect through the shared emotion. Celebrating together is the best way to transform a blah marriage into a fun and vibrant marriage.

Counting blessings can be a part of finding something to celebrate, but don’t stop when you get a number. “Yep, counted my blessings today, came to 27 blessings”…yawn. How nice, and boring. Don’t just count your blessings, celebrate them. Pick one or pick a bunch of your blessings and celebrate. Throw a blessings party and tell your face to smile.

Hold on now, I’m not proposing you become the annoying person who insists everything is awesome when it’s clearly not. I’m a big advocate of authenticity. The overly cheerful person who masks all emotions with enthusiasm isn’t healthy. However, I’m tired of people who lack the creativity to find something or someone to celebrate. Don’t be so in control of your emotions that you miss all the opportunities to lose your mind in celebration. It doesn’t matter what you celebrate. It certainly doesn’t have to be anything huge, spontaneous celebrations for the little things often make for the best connection.

My wife and I are deep into the parenting adventure called potty training. We are getting closer to the diaper-free promised land. A major part of our potty training strategy is the potty dance. When our son successfully uses the toilet we perform the potty dance. We clap, throw our arms in the air and spin around all while shouting “yeah!” It’s pretty ridiculous, but it works. Our son loves it, we connect through the emotion, and that motivates him to perform. Celebration transforms drudgery (even the drudgery of going to the bathroom) into something wonderful.

When others celebrate, join in. No one wants to celebrate alone. Rejoice with those who rejoice, Romans 12:15.

Please share what you celebrated this week, I would love to celebrate with you.
Celebrating is more fun together.

Yes! I want to learn how to Make Some Wonderful in my marriage.




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In Sickness

Copyright: antonbrand / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: antonbrand / 123RF Stock Photo

It will happen. The time comes in all marriages, often unexpected and always inconvenient. The “in sickness” part of marriage will inevitably invade and put your happy day in the toilet.

This week I got sick. It was the stomach bug type of sick and it rendered me useless. The fever made summer feel like the arctic even in my warm bed and extreme energy reserves were needed just to shuffle to the bathroom. I’ll spare you the other unattractive details of the “flu like symptoms” but I was totally out of it. A few days later when I was starting to feel life creep back into my body, the kids got sick, and then my wife. Rolling blackouts are nothing compared to the rolling tide of family sickness.

Physical illness is not only a medical problem; it easily becomes a relationship problem if not handled well. Strangely enough the time your spouse is sick can provide greater relational connection when you are intentional.

1. Provide Comfort. Comfort can be provided in a number of ways. You can make chicken noodle soup, provide a cool washcloth, or another blanket. Comfort can also include sympathetic and soothing words. Ask how you can help them feel more comfortable and be extra understanding and polite if they give you a half-awake grumble in response.

2. Give Space. When your spouse is feeling sick, provide them space to rest. This means give them actual physical distance from people and set up their environment for rest. For example: dim the lights, play soft music, avoid cooking deep fried catfish, and entertain the kids as far away as possible. Giving space can also mean giving them a break from intense conversations like talking about the bills or the next holiday with the in-laws.

3. Hold down the fort. When your spouse is sick, you have to understand they will not be doing their normal routine. Step it up and get things done. It will mean the world to your spouse if you can keep the house reasonably clean and take care of the kids. If this means you need to feed the kids Chuck-E-Cheese is a good option, besides, it’s likely far enough away to provide them space.

The amount of comfort, space, and household tasks you need to provide depends on the personality and desires of your spouse. The important part is to be responsive to what they want. When your spouse is sick it’s a great time to show them your love. The “in sickness” part of your marriage vow is put in there to remind you to love and to cherish, not only because you have to endure their sickness, but because your marriage connection can deepen when their needs are met.

4. Celebrate health. When you and your spouse are back to full health again, celebrate! It’s amazing how good it feels to feel good again. After feeling sick, even the simple things like eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and keeping it down is worth celebrating. If sickness is a reminder of how fragile health is, returning to health is a great reason to celebrate.

What do you want from your spouse when you are sick? What does your spouse want when they are sick?

I’m not a medical doctor. (or any other kind of doctor for that matter, click herefor my credentials) Please consult your medical provider if you or your spouse are feeling ill.